To cherish the bittersweet taste of endings

If for some reason you have left something, like a home, a job or a relationship either by choice, by somebody else’s choice or because of circumstances beyond your control, there will be good feelings and bad feelings associated with it to different degrees. Endings are never easy whether you wanted it or not. You may be weighed down with guilt for leaving someone or unsure if you did the right thing to leave your job and move to a new town.  Maybe you were fired for some reason or were diagnosed with a serious disease and are really having a hard time seeing how anything good can come out of it. 

If something has ended because of circumstances beyond your control you may feel like a victim being powerless. On the other hand, if you have created the change you may be feeling relief, possibly being a little nervous but happy and positive about the future.

There are two sides of everything and the other side of an ending is a beginning. When something ends there is room for something new to begin. If a job, relationship or way of life has ended, good or bad, the possibility for something new to enter your life has been created. Something new that may be better or just different, You have the opportunity to grow and to create something that makes you happy and fulfilled. You have the opportunity to stop and listen to your intuition. To let your intuition guide you to take control and create a future that makes you wake up each morning with a smile on your face. See each ending as an possibility for positive change, for improvement. A chance to change direction and learn from past mistakes. A chance to become more YOU! And that is a gift the world is longing for! So let's cherish the bittersweet taste of endings and look forward to the coming beginning with positive expectation and inspired action being guided by our intuition.

Love life!

If you think you're old, you are.

The Psychologist John Bargh and his team asked students at New York University in the age group 18-22 to make sentences with four words by choosing words from a set group of words. One group of students could choose from a group of words where half of the words could strongly be associated with old age and senior citizens. Words like "Florida", "bald", "wrinkle", "forgetful", "gray", not words like "grand-children", "time-off" or "retired" . When they were done with the task the students from both groups were asked to walk down a short hall to fill out a form in a different room. It was this short walk that was the actual experiment. The students that had worked with the words that could be associated to old age walked at a slower pace than the other students. Why do you think this happened? The students said that they could not see a common theme but had still been affected by the words. This is called the Florida effect and is one of the earliest examples of "priming". Priming means the use of background factors to put someone in a psychological state that affects their actions without their conscious knowledge.

I recently watched a BBC documentary on aging presented by Johnny Ball. One of the studies presented in the documentary was one performed by Dr Elen Langer in 1979 when she took a group of elderly volunteeers, all over the age of 75, back in time. They had to live like they were 20 years younger and they were taken to a timeless retreat were everything was exactly as it had been 20 years earlier. On arrival they had to take care of their own luggage and were fully expected to take care of themselves one hundred percent. After a week the group showed improved dexterity, increased joint flexibility, more energetic gait and were moving around at a noticably faster pace. Some of the men had put on weight and actually looked younger and some even had improved eye sight and hearing.

A winning strategy for longevity seems to be to feel and live like you are young, vibrant and healthy . Do you do this? Or are there factors in your environment that pulls you down? Factors that makes you feel old and slows down your walk?

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." - Jim Rohn

Who do you hang out with and what do you talk about? Do you feel uplifted, optimistic and excited about life when you spend time with your friends?  Do you leave the room with a youthful gait, feeling great about who you are, knowing that your friends have your back covered and you have theirs? If not, try to make room for change. Make room for positive change, positive people, positive experiences. To make room you have to let something go. Let go of negativity bit by bit. Negative environments, negative people, negative talk and find your community where you can thrive, live long and prosper.

A major factor for longevity is the sense of community, of belonging and having a purpose. Perhaps the test group of 1979 also felt a sense of community with like minded people during this week? If you have the right genes you can live long no matter what you eat, drink or smoke but if you're not that lucky (and that applies to most of us) you can try a low calorie diet and most importantly find a community if you're not already part of one. See my earlier post on Blue Villages.

Just be happy!

Many health gurus teach us that if you are happy and relaxed the body goes into repair mode and gives you a much better chance to recover from disease and become healthy. When we are upset or stressed out our bodies are busy being prepared for fight or flight so there's not much resources left for repairs. If we stay in this state for a long time the back log of needed repairs is getting longer and longer and your health can be (probably will be) affected. If you already have a health problem it will be harder to recover.

But all you need to do is to be happy, right?  Preferably all the time! Easy peasy...or not... let’s see if we got this one right. Soooo... if you just got diagnosed with a possibly fatal disease… or if you are extremely stressed out and depressed... you just make sure to be happy and your body will fix itself. There we go, problem solved!  We just have a tiny detail to figure out before our body starts doing all that repairing. How do you manage to start getting into happy mode and make more frequent visits there until you manage to stay happy most of the time? 

This may seem nearly impossible for a person that is in chock or in a depression. But if you manage to take one small step at a time to get you closer to more frequent visits to happiness mode you can improve how you perceive life. The simple procedure of writing a list of the things that you love to do and that makes you smile can help.  Just writing the list can put a smile on your face because it puts your mind on situations that makes you feel good. If you make it a priority to incorporate at least one or two of the listed items in your everyday activities you are on your way to become happier!  It's not the hard to reach activities, like parachuting or taking a trip to Galapagos that you put on the list, but the simple things like a walk in the park, enjoying a cup of your favourite tea, hugs from your loved ones, a pet you love, spending a moment with a close friend or reading an uplifting book. 

The items on your list can also be an inspiration for creating a gratitude list. Isn't everything that makes you feel great something to be grateful for? If you recognize simple things to be grateful for each day, you are moving even more towards a happier life! 
Dan Buettner explores happy populations to see what they can teach us. His results may help you on your way if you want to try happiness the Blue Zones way?

Be happy and shine your light for all to see!

Do you meditate?

Meditation is a practice of calming the mind, training the mind to be in a more relaxed state to make you feel better emotionally and physically. To regain health or to stay healthy and happy. 

What do you need to meditate?  You need to know how to do it, a quiet place to sit, inside or outside, a moment in time to be undisturbed and perhaps somebody to sit with. This doesn't seem that difficult does it? There are places where you can learn how to meditate for free (or almost for free) and  you can always find a quiet place and 10 minutes. Even if it's 10 minutes in your car parked in the street or sitting on a bench in a park on your lunch hour.

The basic principle of meditation is to still the mind and let your thoughts wander, just letting them pass like clouds in the sky, not paying attention to them. Watching them getting fewer and more far between. There are different tools and tricks to help you succeed with not paying attention to your thoughts. You can focus on your breath, count your breath, recite a mantra in your mind or out loud, use a rosary, chant and more.  A good way to start and keep doing it is to simply focus on your breath.  

There are so many wonderful books on meditation and there are fantastic recorded guided meditations available for download or on CD to teach you and help you to meditate. There are even programs using brainwave technology that changes your brainwave frequency when you listen to them so you reach a deeper level of relaxation.  Many offer classes in how to meditate, where it takes  a few sessions to learn the art of meditation. All these opportunities are great and wonderful and within reach for most people. 

But do all these choices make meditation seem complicated and make you feel like you don't really know which book to get or what mp3 to buy and download? Or does it make you wonder if you should take a course or not since it must be hard to do? And do you really have to sit in some strange, uncomfortable yogi position? In that case it may end right there. Well don’t worry! There is a simple way to get you started.

Find that quiet place where you can be undisturbed for 10 minutes. Sit in a comfortable position, preferably with your back straight. Take 3 long deep breaths to help you relax. Close your eyes and just focus on your breath for 10 minutes. Feel how your chest moves with each breath. When a thought comes by just let it pass. Whenever you  loose focus on your breath and follow a thought, just go back to focusing on your breath as soon as you notice that you drifted. It's not a competition and you dont have to be perfect. Every time will be different and even if you feel like you are drifting away on every thought that shows up you are still getting the benefits from meditating. If you want help to get started you may find a church or organisation that gives you an almost free introduction. In Göteborg, Sweden you can get an introduction here

Happy meditating!